I’ve been feeling like a high pressure cooker lately. Just done. Boiling over regularly. Anyone else in the same boat? The stresses of this year, family life, work, and let’s not forget the freaking c-word. The other day it was late afternoon and I just had it. I broke down in front of the kids. Boiling over again. But what my son said to me then, changed everything.
“What’s the matter, mummy?” he asked, looking at me, as I sat there on the floor in the hallway feeling sorry for myself, coat still on. “It’s ok, sweetheart, mummy is just very tired!” I replied. “This year has been so horrible! I have had enough, I just want it all to be over.” The boys looked at me as if I was talking Chinese. They were still wearing their face masks, as we’d just come in from outside.
We had a nice year
Then my eldest, who had turned nine a few days earlier, said: “But mummy, this year wasn’t horrible. Why are you saying that? We had a nice year.” I looked up at him in surprise. He actually meant it. He continued: “We had my birthday, that was fun, and we went to a fun halloween party, and in the summer we went to the swimming pool. That was fun too. And it’s almost Christmas. Why are you saying it’s a horrible year?” I hugged him tightly. “You are right”, I said. “Mummy just needed a little cry. Thank you for cheering me up.”
I realised it is all so subjective. Our kids see things so differently. And this ignorance is bliss, of course. We get bombarded by the media, let everything get to us. We become angry and frustrated because things are not normal this year. We’ve been robbed from certain freedoms. We fight it so much internally. Store up the anxiety and anger in our bodies, creating havoc on our health. Meanwhile, the kids only focus on their own little world. They are flexible and resilient. Yes, they shout: “Stupid coronavirus!” in the street, but then they run off and play tag. And then they ask what’s for dinner.
Children are so much more accepting and living in the now. No judgement, going with the flow. As long as they get enough love, food, outside playtime and, yes, their beloved video games on the weekend, they’re happy. Face masks? Yeah, ok, wear them. Next year not needed anymore? OK, fine, take ‘em off and forget about the whole thing. No big deal. We turn all of these things into great big stories and fear in our head, adding to our heavy heart. We should play more tag.
The sun will come up tomorrow
I wish I could switch off my grownup brain for a bit. Just be. Not think about what’s been this year or what’s coming next year. Get angry at propaganda in the news, most of it lies. Right now I am sitting in my house, with a meal in the oven, a cup of tea in hand, and happy children playing Lego in the living room. The cat is purring. The sun is going down. Tomorrow the sun will come up again, and the cat will pur, and the children will be playing, and the kettle will be boiling. Nothing more, nothing less. The world may be raging in the media, but here in my house, it is still and peaceful.
And it hasn’t been a horrible year for us. It’s just that everybody is saying it, and it’s just been really unusual. My family is OK, we have work and savings, and a roof over our head. There are waves we must ride, yes, like in any household, and in life, but storms never last forever. It’s been a 10-month tornado, but right now I want to look at my children and see that there is still plenty to be grateful for.